niomi

...is a 1:6th scale doll, which means she's a 6th the size of a person. Back in the day, there used to be a popular post describing the proportions of Barbie at 1:1 scale. She'd be 7 feet tall with a waist so thin her spine would snap in half. Comments on that post shocked me. Women surprised and relieved to learn Barbie's proportions would be grotesque in flesh. They don't have to live up to the spine-shattering Barbie ideal anymore!

I couldn't believe I was reading. It's almost like you told me they cry themselves to sleep at night because they want a giant Funko pop shaped head. I knew Barbie represented an ideal of thin white feminine beauty. I don't think I understand how real this one doll in particular made that standard seem. Or did it?

So, Barbie movie.

Some time ago, I started seeing a lot of Barbie apologetic in the wild. Posts delving into its history, careerism is feminist, Barbie disrupted baby dolls! Etc. Also posts on some obviously problematic dolls, like the one with inflatable boobs. I believe I saw these posts before indie darling Gerwig announced as director of Barbie. Regardless, around the same time.

I know a lot of people also must have been looking into Barbie history to make topical social media posts anticipating the movie...but I'm conspiracy-brained and 99% sure guerilla marketing occurred to set expectations on issues for Barbie movie to respond to.

Sure, everybody wanted a fun glittery movie and nobody (nobody but me) wanted a dry lecture. but I just don't think lamp-shading of some embarrassing Barbie products gets to the heart of the issue. Why women compare themselves to a doll whose eyes are as wide as her wrists? whose clothing is at least as thick as her fingers?

When I saw the promos of Barbieland sets I really thought her tiny size was going to be plot-relevant. Because in my mind, here's the real apology for Barbie: She's a fucking doll.

I've not been a Barbie fan, but I have liked dolls. She's a fashion doll, a cheap one at that. Her waist sculpt might be grotesquely small, but a tiny and stiff outfit widens her shape. Realistically draping fabric at 1:6 scale would be expensive, delicate, unfit for children. Her rail shape compensates for stiff, thick outfits. Yes, Barbie's bust is a feminine beauty standard, but her wide shoulders and complete lack of hips are not. Barbie is more clothes hanger than humanoid. It's not fair to put standards of flesh on Barbie's plastic sculpt.

I thought a Toy Story approach would be the way to go in the movie. I wanted to see Barbie depressed and peeling stickers off her plastic accessories like Buzz Lightyear. Instead we have a character whose pink car runs on cartoon powers but no engine, and she's afraid of cellulite.

There is also a battle of the sexes going on here. Kens are totally incompetent and superficially welcomed, but underappreciated. Kens don't have their own houses, and how they live is intentionally hand-waived. Barbies are incredibly competent and (except the protagonist) unstressed by running matriarchal DEI utopia.

I think Barbieland's meant to be an inversion of the Real World, but this doesn't quite land with me. In Barbie's Real World Patriarchy, and mutiny it inspires among the Kens in Barbieland, men are totally goofy bumblers. Barbie feels threatened and self-conscious when she arrives in the Real World. But cat-calling and montages of powerful men on horses are the sum of showing Real misogyny.

Actually, a more realistic representation of misogyny is Ken's friend zone arc.

Barbies playing on the pride of Kens to manipulate them, Kens vs Kens whimsical battle scene on the beach, “I'm just Ken” dance number... Barbie trying to let Ken down in their culminating conversation, but Ken takes every show of Barbie's sympathy as an invitation to start making out...dare I say, just more depth in this conflict than Gloria wishing Depressed Barbie into existence with movie magic?

Barbie's scared of cellulite in Barbieland, but in the Real World she loves old ladies, connects to them, and recognizes their beauty. It's a great sentiment, but I don't understand the process she went through to reach it. I've seen memes expressing (what I think is) a similar sentiment that are more believable and moving...

Barbie has reverence for elderly women. But other than sitting at a bus stop or mother who stands still so their daughters can look back at them, there isn't much we're revering about them. Their traits are warmth, realness and wisdom. The movie text says Barbie, by becoming human, no longer lives forever as an ideal. But this message comes from an actual ghost. Elders and ghosts in this film are no less an ideal than Barbie. They are a different ideal, that of motherhood and confidence. They lack any personally defining character development.

So, I would say Barbie's pathos is kind of like Madonna/Whore. Gerwig & Mattel gave us Madonna/Plastic variation...and a matriarchal utopia, wrapped this in an advertisement, and called it feminism disagree if it's even feminist at all.

Lastly, the bumbling Mattel businessmen as characters are only mildly antagonistic. As viewers, we are meant to see the company as being a great sport about this. I assure you the actual Mattel corporation is for real EVIL. They do not believe this film is feminist. They are certainly not missing that Gerwig and fans think it is feminist. They are probably very happy with that contradiction and all the money it makes them.